from my weekend away: “the grass may be greener, but the water bill is also higher.”

This weekend I was on vacation. I went for a girl’s relaxing getaway to Atlantic City. We stayed at The Chelsea hotel, and were pretty much glued to our chaise lounges for 3 days straight. It was truly a glorious few days….no work, no emails, no worries.

It’s amazing how many of us seldom get the time away that we deserve. That is most certainly not part of “the great life.” Further, it deeply saddens me when people do get time away, and they spend it glued to their blackberry and anxiety-ridden (that used to be me, but not anymore my friends!).

While I was having my delicious Mahi Mahi tacos with lime aioli for lunch in the sun poolside, it got me thinking about being where you are and the phrase “The grass is always greener on the other side.” I see it all the time and usually when people are feeling unsatisfied in their own life OR they are on the brink of making a big decision or major life change. This may even be where you’re at right now, looking at the lives of others and constantly comparing yourself, or not feeling completely fulfilled, adequate, energized or happy with where you’re at in life.

This phrase stuck out to me, because this weekend I heard TWO variations from two unrelated sources, one who is a friend of a friend who said it on Saturday, and the other was a new poolside friend we were chatting it up with on Sunday. Coincidence? I think not. The both had me pondering, and I really loved what it all pointed back to…so, I wanted to share them with you.

Variation numero uno:
“The grass is just green, not greener.”

Variation numero dos:
“The grass may be greener, but the water bill is also higher.”

In essence, they both represent that often in life we are searching for more, or looking into other’s lives in admiration (we think they have what we want, they have it better than we do, yada yada). When, in actuality, things over here…on this patch of grass…are just fine, if not, great! I like the second quote, because it brings me back to the equation you all know I love: Life = a cost / benefit analysis. Before you jump right in, know that you CAN do and have whatever you want. My questions to you are…what’s it going to cost you? And, are you ready and willing for the expense? Think about it…

To this point, a few tips on enjoying your side of the grass:

1 – When you wake up, create a morning gratitude list for that day. List all of the things in your life that you are grateful for in this moment.

2 – Don’t sweat the small stuff. Start with your to-do list bright and early, putting off small errands will only make getting everything done feel grueling.

3 – Create a daily self care ritual and integrate it into your routine. Putting time it into YOU will give you the energy to soar through the day with grace.

4 – Get enough sleep! I bet you know, down to the minute, how much sleep you need in order to feel your best, treat yourself to that small gift, starting now.

5 – Plan a weekend getaway…weather it be at the beach, a lake house, or at your own home for a “staycation.” Treat yourself to something to look forward to. Then, plan work and to-dos accordingly, in order to give yourself a full, FREE, weekend away to rejuvenate!

Sending love,

D

overwhelmed? unhappy? exhausted? i’m talking to you.

What if I told you, the more you prioritize, the happier you’ll be? Would you believe me? Would you try it?

Creating your great life is about coming from a place of choice, not obligation. Usually, the smoke signals for not being at choice are overwhelm, unhappiness and being out of integrity (when your thoughts and actions are out of alignment).

How do we re-align ourselves to get back at choice and live IN integrity? One simple word: Prioritize. Actually, two simple words: RUTHLESSLY Prioritize (like your life depends on it).

Prioritizing is such a fascinating concept to me. I see it done ALL wrong a lot of the time, with my circlers, clients, friends and I’m guilty of this as well. A clear indicator of what I call The Priority Blues is when you’ve got a freakin enormous to-do list, and your trading precious sleep, delectable self care time, and healthy habits, by being a slave to your “priorities.”

Another clear indicator, of The PB’s are right on your tongue (and I’m not talking about peanut butter). Its HOW you speak. Notice when you say things like “I have to…” “I should…” “I have no choice..” or how often you engage in activities that make you sigh and go “UGGGHHHH!!” when you think about them. Do you hear yourself making excuses, or complaining that there is never enough time in the day? Together these are all symptoms for not putting yourself at choice, and that is NOT what creating your great life is all about.

Chew on this for a moment: If everything is a priority, then nothing is a priority.

Quick and dirty tips to help stop the madness now:

1 – Get clear on what your priorities ACTUALLY are.

2 – Strip down to the bare essentials. Ask yourself: Is this absolutely necessary? If not, it ain’t a priority.

3 – Put yourself FIRST. Practice extreme self care. This will help you get back to center and be able to put yourself at choice.

4 – Communicate effectively what your wants, needs AND boundaries are. This may mean saying the word “no.” Let’s practice, say it with me: “no” “no” “no” “no.” Good!

5 – Re-do your to-do. Assign actions next to each item: DO it, DELAY it, DITCH it, DELEGATE it, FIX it, CALL/EMAIL, SCHEDULE it, whatever floats your boat. make sure you are only touching things that require you, and you alone. If not, outsource the help to a family member, friend, co-worker, or assistant.

A few related posts:
7 Simple Steps to a Happier and More Successful YOU!
and
A Lesson in Life, Priorities and Not Sweating the Small Stuff!

Xx,
D

oldie but goodie — a post from a year ago today “the law of attraction tool you learned in kindergarten

Written May 18, 2010: The Law of Attraction Tool You Learned in Kindergarten!

Yes, Kindergarten….remember….that time when you were five and the day revolved around coloring, taking naps and snack time? A much simpler time really, with some VERY REAL and VERY WORTH IT life lessons bundled in there. Let me explain.

Recently I’ve been observing some of my happiest, healthiest and most successful friends, clients and colleagues. I’ve been looking at the most “attractive” people in my life as well. People that are magnetic and dynamic in their lives, relationships and business. I’ve also been taking a look at those that desire more career success, a more fulfilling life and are constantly searching for a meaningful romantic relationship. The later of these people in my life are often asking me, “what does THAT person have that I don’t?” Or “What am I doing wrong, I go out 3 nights a week am I’m not meeting ANYONE ?” Or “Wow, that person is incredibly successful and still really grounded and happy, how can I get there?”

All valid questions.

Are you ready for my conclusion?!

The ONE thing that most happy, healthy and wealthy people have in common, people that have attained true fulfillment and success in their lives are NICE PEOPLE. They didn’t get to where they are today being mean, judgmental or ruthless. The universe doesn’t work like that TRUST ME. If you are a mean, judgmental or ruthless person, eventually the universe will catch up to you and grab your success, or health, or loved ones, right out from under you, because the universe does NOT reward that kind of behavior.

It does, however, reward kindness, generosity, selflessness, honesty, optimism and positivity. Now, half of me is a realist so I know that our society and possibly some of our upbringing have not programmed us to default to those behaviors. The good news is that “People Have A Choice” and can choose to change their behavior (you can make that choice right now if you want!). I’m sure any Kindergarten teacher would agree, as well as any truly successful and happy person, that the underlying KEY to your SUCCESS and GREATEST HAPPINESS is to : BE A NICE PERSON. That’s right, BE NICE TO EVERYONE. Treat people with great respect and you are putting “respect” out there in the universe, in turn, you will be highly respected. It is as simple as that.

Don’t believe me? Try it!

How this works with the LOA and Dating:

THE DIAGNOSIS: I recently met someone who has A LOT of trouble finding worthy men to date. She is always out at bars and at social events on the weekends. However, I recently observed her behavior when she was out. What I saw was a beautiful person hiding behind her blackberry, putting down ANY guy who came to talk to her if he wasn’t her type and in essence putting out negative and judgmental energy around her. Who would want to approach or date a person like that?

THE CURE: Try this….when you’re out at social gatherings, be the NICEST and HAPPIEST person in the room. Talk to everyone. Be animated. Genuinely take interest in other people. This works for all areas of your life, networking for business or seeking romantic relationships. When a guy approaches you, even if your first instinct is ‘he’s not your type’, give the conversation a chance. Make a GREAT conversation happen, laugh, be HAPPY. Then, you’ll become INSTANTLY attractive to everyone in the room, people will want to approach you, talk to you and get to know this person. They will feed off of the energy you are putting out there (I’m not talking RED BULL amounts of energy, just simply positive, nice and engaging energy). Then, that good looking guy from across the room that you spotted 2 minutes after being there, will WANT to talk to you. Try this out and see for yourself!! It is truly WIN WIN!

a real story “some wins come with no game at all”

A really special person in my life passed this story along to me, and now I’m passing along to you. This story, message and coach, moved me in a tremendous way. Enjoy!

By Rick Reilly from espn.com

Dave Smith, left, a Hueytown High baseball player, keeps the team's spirit high by celebrating a home run with coach Rick Patterson.

Baseball is all about getting home. But what happens when you get there and it’s gone?

It happened to Hueytown (Ala.) High School baseball head coach Rick Patterson on Wednesday. He walked to his house only to find a tornado had taken it.

Pitchers love making saves. But what happens when the save you have to make is your sister’s life?

It happened to 15-year-old Hueytown JV pitcher Brandon Miller that same day. He was hiding under a mattress in the hallway of his house, wearing his baseball helmet, when a twister took the roof off. Then it started to take his 14-year-old sister, Sara. He reached up and grabbed her in the final fraction of the moment.

[+] Enlarge
Rick Patterson
These are the remains of coach Rick Patterson’s home in Pleasant Grove, Ala.
High school sports is about playing for love of school. But what happens if your school closed for a week because nobody can drive the roads to get to it?

You keep playing is what happens.

In the eye of all that, Hueytown carried on in the Alabama 5A state playoffs Monday, splitting its first two games with Briarwood Christian in the best-of-three second round. Afterward, each Briarwood player donated $20 to Patterson to help out.

And you think your team has distractions?

“Boys, if you wanna help me, keep winning,” Patterson told his players before the games. “Because as long as we keep winning, I don’t have to think about the rest of my life.”

The rest of his life is scattered over blocks and blocks of Pleasant Grove, Ala., where he and his wife, Debra, were supposed to be living. But two months ago, Debra burnt some beans, which set their entire kitchen on fire, which landed them in the Fairfield Inn, which saved their lives.

Just after the tornadoes that killed 236 in Alabama hit on April 27, Patterson called his daughter, a student at the University of Alabama. The tornado missed her by two blocks. Called his other daughter. She was fine, but her house was cleaved in half. Then he drove to his own house and got stopped by fallen trees two miles from it. He was walking the rest of the way when he came upon a neighbor boy.

These are the remains of coach Rick Patterson's home in Pleasant Grove, Ala.

“Jonathan, how’s your house?” the coach said.

“It’s gone,” the boy said.

“Gone?” said Patterson.

“So’s yours,” said the boy.

“My house is gone?”

“There ain’t nothin’ there.”

Where would Patterson and his wife have hidden if they’d been in it?

“Under the stairwell,” he says. “And that stairwell collapsed. Concrete blocks and bricks are all on top of it. If we’d have been there, we wouldn’t be here today.”

House flattened. Car crushed. Lexi, his golden retriever, gone.

Equally flattened, Patterson was trudging the two miles back to his truck when he ran smack into the father of a woman from the neighborhood.

“Have you seen my daughter?” the man asked, panicked. “I’m looking for my daughter.”

Patterson had seen his daughter, under a sheet, laying on his sidewalk, dead.

The coach took a gulp and the man’s shoulders at the same time.

“
A lot of people ask me, ‘Y’all still gonna play?’ And when I say yeah, they always say, ‘Good. That’ll give me two hours where I can forget about all this.’
”
– Coach Rick Patterson
“I hate to be the one who breaks this to you,” he said. “But your daughter didn’t make it.”

The man collapsed in Patterson’s arms right then and there.

Death could’ve come for Miller, too, were it not for that mattress.

He was on the couch when his mom came running inside, screaming for everybody to get in the hallway — fast! — and lay down. Miller and his dad dragged the boy’s mattress off his bed and put it over them.

“We only had about 10 seconds before it hit,” Miller remembers. “That tornado sounded like a big ol’ freight train coming through. I watched the roof fly right off my house, right above me. And then my sister started to fly off, too. I grabbed her around the middle of her body and just hung on.”

When they crawled out from under the mattress, they saw dozens of large, jagged shards of wood and glass sticking into it. “Those things woulda got us for sure,” he says.

And in the midst of all this glass-break and heartache and dust-cake, Hueytown must dig in for the playoffs.

Tornado Relief
ESPN is committed to help raise awareness and financial aid for those impacted by the deadly tornadoes in Alabama and across the south. To donate, visit: RedCross.org or text REDCROSS to 90999 for a $10 donation. Message/data rates may apply.

“Lately, Coach hasn’t been at all like he usually is,” says Hueytown starting catcher David Veasey. “He used to be all intense. Kinda hard to play for. But now, he just seems more laid back. I guess maybe he figures there’s more to life than baseball.”

Says Patterson, “A lot of people ask me, ‘Y’all still gonna play?’ And when I say yeah, they always say, ‘Good. That’ll give me two hours where I can forget about all this.”

Something he’ll remember, though: One day, he was combing through the backyard rubble when he thought he heard a cry. He hunted it. There, trapped under a pile of rubble, was his Lexi, trembling, but fine.

Some wins come with no game at all.

What I know to be true about relationships…

I was thinking about some of the upcoming E-Circle planning and one of the recurring topics is relationships (the overarching theme of E-Circle being living well and attainable happiness). A lot of people have large issues (pain) in their lives stemming from relationship pain, whether it be from family members, friends, romance or their relationship with themselves.

What I know to be true is that past experiences dictate and often stifle most people for going after relationships that they truly desire, especially when there was pain involved in the past (which there usually is). This concept of talking about relationship applies if your single, dating, engaged, or married for decades. The idea is very similar because the reasons that we engage in relationships and how they impact ‘who we are’ are the same on any level.

I am a true believer that in terms of romantic relationships, the universe gives each person exactly what they NEED at any given time. Relationships in our lives are mirror images of what our inner self needs….maybe inside we need to be loved, supported, enjoyed, adored, appreciated, and acknowledged. Who knows? But its also possible that our inner self is still developing its needs and in turn needs to learn valuable lessons before finding “the one” or attain true and lasting happiness (and pleasure). And, therefore, we engage in relationships that from the outside or looking back on our past appear to be not good for us (and in some cases harmful, painful and abusive). But in actuality, all relationship are mirroring some part of our inner soul that we are meant to become aware of and the relationship (even harmful ones) were put in our path to teach us a specific lesson about ourselves, who we are, what we want and what we need. This is my belief and this particular realization was game-changing for me.

This self awareness in terms of my friendships, romantic relationships, familial relationship and business relationships, continues to allow me to get my needs met, connect with people of high and similar quality, and give back to others in an authentic and positive way. It always makes me a very happy person and I feel blessed by those who love and support me across many levels and areas of my life. These days I surround myself, and support myself, and give to, people of a similar caliber who feel that way about themselves, relationships, connection and happiness. It’s that simple.

Xx
DLE

a proud moment for me

This past weekend I had the distinct honor and privilege to visit my alma matter, The University of Rhode Island, as a guest at The Public Relation’s Society (PRS)conference called “Going the Distance.”

What a blast!

It was so incredible to be in a room of such wonderful, passionate and empowered pre-professionals and undergrads. Even more so, it was an extremely special experience for me, because during my tenure at URI, I was a co-founding president of the student organization. PRS is particularly close to my heart because it what my first dabble into business and organizational development. In many ways, the lessons I learned through the first (3) founding years of PRS, served me tremendously while starting my first business back in January of 2009.

It all started with a group of dynamic students who saw a need, and band together all of their time, efforts and energy to fill it. And, WOW, did that pay off! To be able to visit the school after all these years, as a conference guest speaker, proud alumni, and co-founding president, it was truly an amazing experience to see our vision, still alive and thriving through the current and future members sitting before me.

This week I spoke about Integrity, Success, Problems (losing the excuses), and Goal Setting. Here are a few pics from the talk:

PRS in the beginning…

Break the mold!

DLE doin’ her thing…


URI Alum, other speakers, panelists, and friends!