So, as many of you may know, my Yia Yia (grandmother in Greek), left this earth to move on to place of eternal peace on March 9. It’s a good thing I have a big family, and network of friends, and friend’s of friends, who feel like family to get us through during this time. As well as all of you who have provided thoughts, prayers, shared stories and overall extended your love and support (it has meant more than you know!).
Then…
Last week we had all of the services, ceremonies, and gatherings to remember, honor, reflect and share emotions and experiences as we mourned. There were moments from all areas of the emotional spectrum that were felt on such a deep level; pain, sorrow, sadness, anger, grief, love, gratitude, hope, joy, warmth and even comfort. None of them could be explained, but we all felt a shared understanding that whatever we felt was okay, and real. The experience was a bit hazy and the few days mesh into one. I did my best to presence my mind, and let every emotion be welcomed in judgment free. I also let myself freely accept support, help, love and guidance from those who stepped up around us, in many, many ways.
Now…
About a week later, the permanence of it all feels a bit surreal. The loss of any loved one is really hard to make sense of, let alone someone who was so near and dear to your heart, and cherished by so many; that was Yia Yia.
I am learning a lot about grief and healing in the wake of it all, and that was the true purpose for this post to begin with. I wanted to share my experience, because death is an inevitable part of the human experience that none of us can escape. If I have learned anything, it is that “creating your great life” does not shield you from the inevitable; and therefore, we must create our lives in ways that support our being so that we are well equip to face all of life’s experiences. Support comes in many forms and may include relationship, emotional, financial, health and more.
With relief, this week feels like the calm after the storm a little bit. The last few weeks were incredibly stressful, emotional and unpredictable as usually the case with cancer and now there has been a shift. It’s strange to say that there is a sense of peace, presence, stillness, light and clarity that came this week. There was physical and visceral warmth that appeared and in some ways it is very comforting. Of course the sadness for a loss like this does not go away so quickly, and I know from past experiences it will come in waves, and in time. But something tells me I will be okay. And I know I will.
I’m blessed to have had some final precious moments to look Yia Yia in the eye and share the impact that she has had on the woman I’ve become, and the life I have created. To tell her I love her and that she will be with me always; to exchange knowing looks and loving squeezes on the hands and arms; and to wade in peaceful silences as we acknowledged the uncertainty ahead while having faith that it will all be okay. I have learned so much about Yia Yia in those last few weeks of her life and in her passing. I witnessed first-hand the grace, will, honesty, strength, acceptance and truth that were present all the days of her life, including the end, and will continue on through her children, grand children, great grand children and great great grandchildren.
Whenever I have experienced the loss of a loved one I have tried to pinpoint something specific that I will take with me from that person that will remind me of their life, their being, what they felt like, our relationship and how they impacted me. Aside from the many gifts that Yia Yia has passed down both tangible and intangible, my gratitude was actualized last Thursday night.
After the services last week, we gathered in celebration of her life. The house was filled with love, laughter and togetherness that none of us had thought possible that quickly after her passing. But it was apparent. Yia Yia brought together a family and united us all with this shared experience. To which her very existence was not only the essential thread that was weaved through us all, but was responsible for our very existence as well; a piece of her, a badge, we will wear with honor and carry through for the rest of our lives.
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