Back in February I went to one of Gabrielle Bernstein’s inspiring seminars in NYC. Gabrielle talked through conflict resolution, love and self love. One of her quotes has rung through my mind like a clock striking midnight every time I’ve encountered a personal conflict this year. When it comes to our approach to conflict resolution, she asked the crowd one simple question:
“Would you rather be right….or happy?”
That really struck a chord with me about how we communicate and behave in conflict (often in conflict with people we care a whole lot about like our significant others, parents and friends). It had me thinking about my goals, words and behaviors when it comes to conflict. If my goal was to win the argument, my approach might be strategic, aggressive and on the attack (no bueno!). In this instance, if you’re in conflict with your friend or partner, think about the potential consequences to winning an argument. Sure you’ve won, but now what? Don’t you still feel shitty, unsettled and unhappy, even worse is that you’ve left your partner feeling defeated, unheard and pretty darn low, as well.
Now, if your goal was to be happy, how would that change your approach when dealing with a conflict? Would you listen more? Try and empathize? Pose a compromise? Apologize? Forgive or ask for forgiveness?
I guess it all depends on your desired outcome.
For me, as I get more in tune with my core values and understand how I can create my own happiness and impact those around me, I’m choosing happiness.
Maybe that means forgiving myself for a misstep or a bad judgment. Maybe that means forgiving my opponent for hurting my feelings, or even not knowing. Maybe it means apologizing. And maybe it means learning from it and letting go. I’m sure you can think of a few examples from your own life to try and apply this new way of thinking.
We’re all human, and sh*t happens. And when it does, the next time around, step back and ask yourself: would I rather be happy or right?
I’m choosing happy. What about you?
Xo,
D
