when it comes to conflicts and resolution: would you rather be right…or happy??

Back in February I went to one of Gabrielle Bernstein’s inspiring seminars in NYC. Gabrielle talked through conflict resolution, love and self love. One of her quotes has rung through my mind like a clock striking midnight every time I’ve encountered a personal conflict this year. When it comes to our approach to conflict resolution, she asked the crowd one simple question:

“Would you rather be right….or happy?”

That really struck a chord with me about how we communicate and behave in conflict (often in conflict with people we care a whole lot about like our significant others, parents and friends). It had me thinking about my goals, words and behaviors when it comes to conflict. If my goal was to win the argument, my approach might be strategic, aggressive and on the attack (no bueno!). In this instance, if you’re in conflict with your friend or partner, think about the potential consequences to winning an argument. Sure you’ve won, but now what? Don’t you still feel shitty, unsettled and unhappy, even worse is that you’ve left your partner feeling defeated, unheard and pretty darn low, as well.

Now, if your goal was to be happy, how would that change your approach when dealing with a conflict? Would you listen more? Try and empathize? Pose a compromise? Apologize? Forgive or ask for forgiveness?

I guess it all depends on your desired outcome.

For me, as I get more in tune with my core values and understand how I can create my own happiness and impact those around me, I’m choosing happiness.

Maybe that means forgiving myself for a misstep or a bad judgment. Maybe that means forgiving my opponent for hurting my feelings, or even not knowing. Maybe it means apologizing. And maybe it means learning from it and letting go. I’m sure you can think of a few examples from your own life to try and apply this new way of thinking.

We’re all human, and sh*t happens. And when it does, the next time around, step back and ask yourself: would I rather be happy or right?

I’m choosing happy. What about you?

Xo,
D

How Eat, Pray, Love (the book) came at THE PERFECT time!

So, I did it. I FINALLY did it. I have finished the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. The reason that I say finally is because I set out to join Liz on her journey almost 4 years ago and had planned to skip through the book just before the movie premiere in mid-August. How perfect that things did not go as planned for me? In perfect harmony, in fact, with the author’s acceptance of life circumstances all having a divine purpose. Let me explain.

Over the past few months many big changes have occurred in my own life. For starters I have moved my home, my office, taken on a few new roles, got a small tattoo (something to cross off the bucket list!) and picked up an entirely new batch of people and events to bring into my “new life.” While in this unexpected process, I was also able to consciously cleanse my life of negativity. Included in this cleanse was the removal of negative people, thoughts, as well as, heavy and unnecessary material objects. Additionally, I forced myself to part ways with things that I no longer needed but were still in good condition to donate and re-use. I simplified my life A LOT and stripped of clutter. I’m still in this process and consider it an evolving skill instead of a one-time process. Once you feel how free and lifted you can become after clearing your life of unnecessary people, emotions, clothes and other material objects, it becomes addicting. A good addiction, I might add, because I find myself in a state of asking myself “How is this serving me?”. A question I often pose to my clients when they are making an observation of feeling “stuck’ in a cycle or behavior, or feeling taken down by negative people or events.

In any event, finishing this book, marked a goal that I had set for myself a few months back (I do most of my reading in the summer months on the beach, in a normal summer). But this was not a normal summer, and somehow the process got a little drawn out. But nonetheless, I thoroughly enjoyed this spiritual and uplifting tale of leaving behind the negative self talk, and everything in the past, to be where you are in total acceptance, love and peace. I love this notion of “taking stock” of where you are, and where you’ve been. I also love the notion of total and complete forgiveness to yourself and others for past wrongdoings and missteps along the way. What has happened, has happened. And what will be, will be.
So, I ask you a few questions….

What is holding you back or dragging you down? (People, clutter, negative self talk?)

How is this serving you?

Where are you TODAY?

How did you get here?

And, lastly…a challenge inspired by Eat Pray Love.

Forgive yourself for past wrong doings, circumstances and negatively. Acknowledge each of these occurrences in your life, and accept that they have occurred. Separately right each wrong, and make peace with the past. You may even create a small ritual where you bring each occurrence into the present moment, and let it become a part of who you are today.  Then physically acknowledge, accept, forgive and put it in a place. There are no room for feelings of worry, shame, guilt, negativity or self doubt in your life today, or in the future. So, make a conscious change to eliminate these feelings today, and reap the amazing benefits of feeling uplifted, at peace, and positive. Go ahead…try it!

Lastly, if you haven’t already, I reccomend reading this book when you are going through a transitrion in your life and are looking for something spiritual and uplifting. A few years back, I rejected reading this book due to the inherent media hype. But it came to me at the perfect time, and I was able to take alot from this book because it had aligned perfectlty with my own personal and spiritual development. I also love to be captivated by books that take place in other countries, having spent time living in Spain, the first story in this book was extremely related and brought me right back to my feelings on an American living in a European country.

I have not seen the movie yet, but plan to do so…when the time is right. I have tentative plans to comment in a blog post if I feel compelled to write, after viewing the movie!

Have a wondering day! Thanks for stopping by!

Xx

DeAnna Lynn Englezos

Wednesday Wisdoms'

This week I am sitting here in Miami, Florida for the @EntMagazine Growth Conference 2.0 and to visit one of my very best childhood friends! I am enjoying my stay and the wonderful warm weather, and hope that where ever you are you are having a wonderful week! Here are the TOP PICKS for this week! The best in articles, blogs, books and videos! Click on any of the titles to read the articles! For more GREAT resources, check back to other Wednesday Wisdoms’ post from the past weeks! And be sure to comment with some great articles, blogs or videos that you’ve read or created! Have a GREAT day….enjoy!

Home and Organizing:
Top 10 Tips For Selecting Paint Color For Your Home by @RealSimpleMag

Lifestyle:
Why is it SO Difficult being Human? Guest Post by Sethgodin via @FlowerDust

Wellness:
Forgiveness & Reconciliation by @FlowerDust

Business:
Organize Your Business by @JanetSlack Systems are essentially a step-by-step process written out for each aspect of your business.

Social Media:
Practical Social Media Measurement: Awareness, Attention, Reach by @AmberCadabra

Health & Fitness:
Get Over the Hump Day: See What You Eat by @FitSugar

Money:
Recap of the 3-week Course on Earning Money by @Ramit

Relationships:
Making Difficult Decisions that Improve Your Relationship by Coach Jack Ito, PhD

Fun:
Nine Powerful Social Networking Sites for Women Entrepreneurs via @nataliemacneil

Thanks for stopping by! Let me know what you think and share your GREAT links to articles, blogs and videos below! Enjoy the rest of your week.

The Forgiveness Challenge

When was the last time you truly forgave yourself or others for something that has happened in the past?

Did you know….that by not forgiving yourself or others for past mistakes, wrongdoings, or anything that may bring unpleasant thoughts to your life when you think about it…you are actually holding yourself back from moving forward and living to your FULL potential. It’s true.

Anything that brings up an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach (and heart) when you think about it, is something that you are knowingly letting yourself tolerate. This “toleration” so to speak, is filling the space in your mind, body and heart at this very moment (even if it is not in the forefront, it’s there). And, you know as well as I do, that two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time. So, by not forgiving yourself and others for the things that have happened in the past, you are actually keeping them in place and blocking other, better and greater, things from coming into your life. You are in control of these exchanges of space and it can start now.

The reason I am talking to you about forgiveness is because it is a truly powerful phenomenon what will happen when you consciously take the time to forgive YOURSELF (super important!) and others for what has happened in the past. Realize that WHATEVER it is, how big or small, relevant or irrelevant, if you are holding a grudge and judgment those are the things that are filling the “space” within you. Therefore, you are subconscious radiating “grudge”, “negative” and “judgments” and naturally repelling “love”, “happiness,” “fortune” and “success.” My wish for you is…exactly the opposite.

Thanksgiving is around the corner (a time for giving GREAT thanks)….just a few days away. But first, you must FORGIVE. For the next 3 days, I challenge you to think of anything that you haven’t truly forgiven and let go of. First and foremost, forgive yourself for not being perfect and accept that you will do your best moving forward and that you are GREAT just the way you are, past mistakes and all. Notice what happens internally and externally when you truly let go of the negative…forgive…and move on.

Look through the lens that “the world is inherently good,” and repeat the mantra that “everyone is doing the best that they can with what they are given.” Repeat this phrase without judgment while consciously freeing yourself of things that have happened in the past, to yourself and others.

Forgiveness is an incredibly powerful experience that’s benefits are limitless. Please feel free to share your experiences with forgiveness below; we are able to grow by connecting with and inspiring others. Cheers!